Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
