I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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