chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
