i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
