There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
