The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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