Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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