flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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