my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
