His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
