I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
