dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
