Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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