Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
