im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
