So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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