Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
