his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's blow job season.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
