He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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