so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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