hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize