Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
