need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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