How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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