Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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