I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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