Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
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make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?