It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.