You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster