were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.