As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
