he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
