that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
