shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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