yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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