so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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