Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
