I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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