don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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