i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
