the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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