we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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