atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize