My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
