so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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