I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize