I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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