Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.