Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
