used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
