if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
