We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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