i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
