I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
