I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
