i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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