My nipple is on Facebook.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize