No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
