I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
