im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
