dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
