sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
did i just pee glitter
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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