And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
